Betty ford says i'm here all night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
