You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
