she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
