I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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