I want to have your abortion
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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