This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
