How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
