Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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