So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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