I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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