part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
