Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
