On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
