sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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