I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
