I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
