I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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