hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
