Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
