I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
