Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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