My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
wow bdsm is so cute
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
