i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
