someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
