Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
