His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
