just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
