So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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