I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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