I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
