alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
