My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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