but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
