In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
