If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
