I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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