He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
