Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize