David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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