if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
