i permit you to call me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
