im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
this is an emotional support booty call
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize