I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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