i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
