The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have tasted many bathrooms
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