Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
