did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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