He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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