So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
His nipple licking is glorious
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