...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
