She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
