I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
