Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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