Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
