no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
