dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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