oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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