I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
