She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he thought i was a dude.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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