Christians are straight up FREAKS
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
