dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
