I need help removing her.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
