I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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